Talking with children about school

It’s not unusual to hear parents exclaiming that their kids tell them nothing about school.

In fact, a common reply when asked about what they did at school today might be “Nothing!” or “I can’t remember”.

This can leave parents feeling out of the loop and even worried about how their child is doing at school, both emotionally and academically.

However, these replies are often born not from boredom, having a bad day or not learning anything. Often children and teens may find the question too broad, leaving them not knowing how to respond.

Here are some tips and ideas for how to talk with your child(ren) about school:

1. Try leaving the questions when they first get home from school; giving them some space to decompress from the day’s events, have a snack and recharge first.
2. When we ask questions of our child(ren) it is important that we are fully engaged and ready to listen without distractions like mobile phones. Therefore, it’s best to ask questions when we are ready to listen to the answers. After all, we also need some time to decompress and recharge when we walk through the door or when our children return home
3. Try asking about school whilst engaging in another task together such as preparing dinner, attending to family pets, or playing a game. This can take the pressure off and allow space for more tricky subjects to be discussed if needed
4. Try asking a specific question such as “What was the best thing about school today?” or “Can you tell me one new thing you learnt today?”
5. Try making it into a family game eg. “Tell me 2 true things that happened today, and one make believe!” Then everyone guesses which is the made-up tale
6. Remember - As a parent you know your child best. Sometimes it may not be the right time for your child to talk about school. At times they may need time to process their day and work out what they want to share with you, especially as they grow older. Use your judgement and simply be there when they are ready

Thanks for reading – Sam, school counsellor